wolfforth-tx If you’ve spent much time watching “Andy Griffith Show” reruns you’ll remember the episode in which Deputy Barney Fife bought a motorcycle and sidecar for the department. The presumption being that Mayberry’s sheriff’s department needed a motorcycle to keep up with the times and other departments. Of course, no sooner did they get the motorcycle than did it cause trouble and cost money.

This month the city of Wolfforth proudly unveiled its new (slightly used) five ton mobile command vehicle. Now at first glance, we might ask what business does a west Lubbock County town with a population of 3,670 have buying a mobile command vehicle? There’s no crime wave in Wolfforth requiring a mobile emergency operations center. The Lubbock County Sheriff’s Office has a state-of-the-art mobile command vehicle intended to service agencies across the South Plains. To date, busting a teen with a joint in his car has not required calling out the Sheriff’s Office mobile command vehicle. And, we’re thankful to say, that’s about the extent of crime fighting necessary in Wolfforth, America. We’re Mayberry and proud to be so.

The fact is, Mayberry didn’t need a motorcycle with a sidecar and Wolfforth doesn’t need a mobile command vehicle. And if it had purchased one, we’d be highly critical. But this four wheel drive mobile police fantasy was free. Like Barney’s sidecar, it is a piece of military surplus equipment. Obtained as surplus property through Section 1033 of the National Defense Authorization Act, Wolfforth’s five ton mobile command vehicle has only about 1,000 hours and 2,400 miles and came with a new paint job. All it cost the city was the price of the fuel expended to go get it. A bargain at twice the price. At least until it needs new tires at an estimated cost of $15,000. Or until they equip it with radio communications gear that costs tens of thousands of dollars. After all, a mobile command vehicle with only a cellphone is just a high-priced travel trailer. Then it becomes less of a bargain for a town that struggles with basic infrastructure issues such as sewer and water. Are there any military surplus sewer systems in that 1033 program? Probably not.

Anticipated uses are, well….we can’t really anticipate a use because no one can cite anything in the past that required this little burg to have a remote emergency operations center. After all, Wolfforth is only three miles long and, at its widest, two miles across. But fear not citizens, should the need arise, and if the ultra-modern Sheriff’s Office mobile operations center already equipped to serve Lubbock and fourteen other counties is unavailable, then Wolfforth is prepared with its very own military surplus five ton mobile operations vehicle.

We recall as teenagers the admonition our parents gave when we set off in a group: “remember who you are” they said. If there is a cautionary tone in our tale it is here. We see an increasing trend towards the militarization of our police forces. This is due in part to laws that have created a drug war we cannot possibly win; we are out funded and outmanned. Another reason is that when there exist too many law enforcement people with too many toys they find something to do and that’s not always a good thing. The Wolfforth Police Department has long served its citizens well with courtesy and with a knowledge of what it is: a small town police force. Let’s hope they remember who they are.


[Editor’s note: we’ve managed to talk about politics without losing all readership; it will be interesting what kind of thinking the Peculiar Parson can stimulate. –SS]

Purely coincidental (unless you believe everything happens for a reason) to Sandstorm Scholar’s Chik-fil-A “everything happens for a reason” post the same week a vendor called who missed a deadline and had to delay work for a week. It wasn’t an issue and caused no problems but that didn’t spare me having to listen to several minutes of “God has a plan and everything happens for a reason” excuse. For the record here, I give more credence to the “my dog ate my homework” justification.

Why does he think him missing his deadline was God’s plan? Don’t blame that on God…it isn’t God’s fault. Stuff happens. When the youth minister wins the coin toss in tied election he capriciously attributes the results to God. Really? Who made him the good guy in the race? Why didn’t God arrange one more vote and save us the coin toss? Why was God mad with his opponent?

“It’s all in God’s hands now.” Explain that to a seven year old when her grandmother dies. You’re telling her that “God did it.” Harder yet, explain it to the grandmother when the seven year old runs out into the street and is hit by a car. “It was God’s will.” How do you know that? Does God will babies be killed? Where did you read that? It is superstitious nonsense. And it is wrong. People die. God put those laws in place long ago. You can’t avoid it. There’s only one way out of this world. Sometimes it is through accidents, sometimes through aging, sometimes because you drank too much.

Preachers use the “God told me so” spiel all of the time to manipulate people into giving. “If you give to me God will bless you.” Really? Where did God say that? Did he whisper that into the preacher’s ear? And why, if that’s the case, didn’t he whisper it in mine? To quote an old politico, “God never told me to do anything but Meals on Wheels.” The point being, it’s funny God rarely tells people to sell it all and to serve. Usually he’s telling people to run for office, or he’s telling the television evangelist something to tell me that most directly benefits the preacher. “God laid this on my heart”…are you sure it wasn’t that extra helping of mashed potatoes you had that putting that pressure on your chest? And how do you know God did it and not the Devil?

What does God say about life and living? About who wins and who loses? About whether God acts as the big Referee in sky choosing the winner in every life and death struggle? Does God say that spiritual purity translates into physical prosperity? Stuff just happens. That’s what God says. The laws of nature are laws He put into place…and they work the same way every time.

“I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happens to them all.” Ecclesiastes 9.11.

Time and chance happens to everybody. Ecclesiastes chapter nine is a great read. Don’t attribute your good fortune to righteous living nor your bad luck to some sin in your life. Stuff happens. It isn’t God’s fault.


Lubbock County Courthouse A reader’s post regarding his LP&L experience reminds us of our frustration calling into the Lubbock County Courthouse yesterday.

Initially, you receive a 30 second greeting in English, then a redirect to press 1 if you want English. What? I thought we just heard this in English?

After three calls and finally learning to maneuver within the system quickly it still took exactly one minute and thirty seconds for me to hear the # for the extension I wanted to reach (Elections Office). If you try to shortcut the system to an operator by pressing “0” it redirects you to the beginning. “Beam me up, Scotty, there’s no intelligent life down here.”

Now of all of the places to cut the budget, why did the commissioners choose the primary interface the public has with the Courthouse? Possibly because they aren’t inconvenienced by the system themselves since they call on direct lines? Wouldn’t you think they could lend to the taxpayers a live person who at least answers the phone when you press “0”?

The Lubbock County Commissioners Court may not be broken, but it is a 4-cylinder engine limping along on 3 worn out spark plugs and one shiny new one who, we hear, is trying hard to not become co-opted by the system.

We’ve yet to figure out what it takes to get their attention. Complaints about the phone system fall on deaf ears. We’ve tried that.

Where does that leave us?


THE WHIRLWIND wants to know…who should be the next Chancellor of Texas Tech University?

It should be clear by now to most that Texas Tech Chancellor Kent Hance is a lame duck. We’re tired of him, his board of regents is tired of him and he LOOKS tired. If he won’t go away completely we can at least hope he’ll finally give up the athletic program to Kirby Hocutt. Maybe he’ll dotter over to Hance Chapel as Chancellor Emeritus like Pope Benedict XVI has petered off into his little garden home.

It might not be by chance that U.S. Congressman Randy Neugebauer was in town to speak at commencement ceremonies last weekend. He came with a pocketful of tax dollars for Texas Tech and just in time to remind us that he still maintains an address in Lubbock.

Congressman Neugebauer has made great strides while in Congress…great strides in increasing his own net worth in office. Is it possible he is ready to return home the conqueror and now head up Texas Tech University? Let’s hope not.

Who would you like to see head Tech if Chancellor Hance steps down this FALL? Is it even necessary that we have a Chancellor?


THE WHIRLWIND wants to know…”if everything happens for a reason,” why does a spicy Chik-fil-A sandwich meal cost $6.66?

That’s right my superstitious friends, the Biblical Mark of the Beast, $6.66, for a spicy chicken sandwich meal and diet lemonade at the restaurant that is never open on Sunday. The Whirlwind believes that the idea that everything happens for a reason is bunk. We’re not atheists here, far from it, but there is no genie, angel or God in the sky manipulating every event in our lives and each toss of the coin. The very idea that God chooses to control every thing in our lives is a faith destroyer and we reject it. Luck, chance and choice play those roles in our lives.

But there IS a reason why a spicy a Chik-fil-A sandwich meal with diet lemonade costs $6.66: because when you add 8.25% sales tax to $6.15 the total is $6.66. That’s it. No more. No less.

We say quit looking for fatalistic (or fantastic) excuses for what happens and seize control of what you can and work with what you can’t.

What say you?


I went through lots of phases growing up. I wanted to be an FBI man, a Secret Service agent, a defense attorney and even a preacher but I never wanted to be a fireman. I’m not that brave.

Of all of the images of the World Trade Center collapse on 9/11 that haunt me, the one that I cannot shake is the image of a company of firemen preparing to enter the North Tower. One of them, a young man, was visibly pumping himself up, readying himself to go into a situation that logic and experience must have told him he may not survive. But he did anyway. I still wonder what happened to that young man. What I do know is that 343 fire fighters lost their lives that day.

In West, Texas last week, a town just larger than Idalou, ten firemen lost their lives. These men were trained, experienced first responders. They must have known that the fertilizer fire they were fighting was likely to result in an explosion but they stayed, protecting the lives and homes of the people they served. They did their jobs.

What kind of courage is that? It is beyond my comprehension. But I know this, I am thankful for people who do their jobs. It makes me wonder if we don’t need a few fire fighters in public office and if maybe we shouldn’t send a few officeholders to the firehouse to infuse in them a little backbone.

—Sandstorm Scholar


I’m always the last to find out these things but this week my new doctor broke the news that the Fruit & Vegetable family is no longer together and the separation appears permanent.

I never cared much for Vegetable, he’s been such a tasteless boor, but I’ve always liked his sweet wife, Fruit. Knowing they were together was comforting since I always felt if I got a little Fruit I was covering my dietary bases with the entire family.

Now I have to see them both and, wouldn’t you know, the doctor also told me that Fruit is associated with a bad element these days, the Carbs. I was cautioned to not overdo her.

The good news is that bacon is back. So it looks like it’s time wrap the green beans and okra in bacon and smother them with cheese.

Fat is still the lubricant of life.



Good politics has a lot to do with making people laugh. Some stories are protected under seal for 50 years. Others make headlines.

It wasn’t that long ago in a West Texas city just north northwest of Slaton that two candidates for state rep were locked in a tight battle. They really weren’t, but stories like this start that way.

The Older Dog was wily and way ahead. The Underdog, faithful to his party and cause, worked tirelessly even in neighborhoods where few of his party or ethnicity could be found. One afternoon the Underdog’s determination had outstayed his bladder and, desperate for a place to relieve himself, he sought refuge in the alley.

Now it’s possible that our story might have ended differently had his face blended in but it did not. What’s certain is that he was arrested in that alley for indecent exposure. Great headlines. The Older Dog is winning and the Underdog has charges pending.

But things like this can go either way. Regardless of whether it made him something of a laughingstock for fifteen minutes, no one thought seriously the Underdog had malicious intent. When you gotta’ go…ya’ know?

So rather than leave things to the winds of chance and the sympathy vote, shortly before the election the Older Dog conceives a plan to seal the deal and, we’re told, made a suggestion to the District Attorney who apparently saw it as an expedient way out an uncomfortable situation.

And that’s how it came about that the Underdog found grace but lost the race, because the headlines read:

“Exposure Charges Dropped for Insufficient Evidence.”

—-Sandstorm Scholar

A Tale of Two Coaches

After having steered Texas Tech sports into it’s worst season in a quarter century Team Hance has now maneuvered Texas Tech basketball into a total program fail.

And if Tech fans weren’t already feeling slam dunked, they will when they learn that Coach Kent will continue to pay Tech’s Biggest Loser coach almost $500,000 of public funds to do nothing between now and April according to the Lubbock AJ. It’s Monopoly money to a bureaucrat like Hance who has been spending public funds so long he has forgotten where it comes from.

How did we get here? Why does a lackluster basketball coach who regularly violated NCAA rules and ran off three times as many athletes as he recruited get the golden parachute? And, yes, we’re still asking why did Tech’s winningest football coach get the boot when he is owed over $1 million?

It’s easy. The football coach, a winner, challenged the wrong ego. Men, like the Chancellor, who presume to place their names upon buildings of worship breathe rarified air. St. Peter’s Basilica, a Church of Christ and Hance’s Chapel; you’ve got to admit that’s an exclusive club. His is an ego so large that it believes itself worthy of sovereign immunity. An ego so desperate that when introduced it is compelled to remind the listener that he once defeated George W. Bush in an eighties congressional election.

No, Tech fans, losing isn’t a sin a on Team Hance nor is abusive behavior or NCAA violations. Failing to kiss the ring is the mortal offense. The throne is surrounded with a host of handsomely paid sycophants. Courage gets you canned.

Poor management of athletic programs becomes obvious quickly. But this ego manages an entire university system. Why do we think that dumbing down the ranks, “Hancifying” if you will, to make the Sovereign look good has not been happening all over the university? Texas Tech may be decades undoing academic damage we’ve not even yet considered.

And should any highly paid Team Hance water boy wish to reclaim his manhood, he ought to stand behind the Chancellor tonight as the guns go up and the team takes the field and whisper in his Sovereign’s ear, “Remember Coach Kent, they aren’t saluting you; this is about the University.”